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ǣfenglōm ❄ ic inbox
 @ onni You've reached Onni Hotakainen, please leave a message. voice | video | text |
He almost always picks up when you call, but never checks his messages.
He almost always picks up when you call, but never checks his messages.
hey onni!
you said you were going to tell me stuff you'd learned in your faun research at the coven and talking to people at the party and stuff, but by the time i came back this morning you'd already headed out.
anything interesting? i'm dying to know.
you said you were going to tell me stuff you'd learned in your faun research at the coven and talking to people at the party and stuff, but by the time i came back this morning you'd already headed out.
anything interesting? i'm dying to know.
Oh, yes. I read a couple of books while I was resting after practicing spells, and I spent some time around the fauns at that party. There are a few things. You mentioned you'd heard fauns like gardening, but apparently they have magic that helps with it, so you won't be entirely without it.
You'll also have a good sense of direction and be able to drink a lot of alcohol before you get drunk. I don't know how much of a change that'll be for you, we've never drank together. Also, it might be worthwhile to invest in some more personal items.
You'll also have a good sense of direction and be able to drink a lot of alcohol before you get drunk. I don't know how much of a change that'll be for you, we've never drank together. Also, it might be worthwhile to invest in some more personal items.
[ There was a time when Reynir might have complained about it only being more stupid farm magic, that he didn't just want tricks for keeping away weeds, but to be able to really make a difference with his magic. But... maybe it's the faun changes, or being in this place without magic for a month, or just a genuine step towards maturity. He doesn't seem to mind, as much as he expected to. After all, it's not like he has other abilities people aren't taking seriously or giving him the opportunity to use. This is just... how things are for Monsters, here. ]
well that's more than nothing! i'll have to ask around about how to do gardening magic. i'm betting it's not runes like i'm used to.
my sense of direction was pretty okay, already. and we should definitely get drunk together. that's not just the faun in me talking.
[ Drunk Onni?! How has he never thought before that he needs to meet drunk Onni and see what that guy is all about. Maybe he'll have an unfair advantage because of his faun traits, but they could build in a handicap for that, probably. ]
huh? personal items?
[ He has literally no idea what Onni is talking about. ]
well that's more than nothing! i'll have to ask around about how to do gardening magic. i'm betting it's not runes like i'm used to.
my sense of direction was pretty okay, already. and we should definitely get drunk together. that's not just the faun in me talking.
[ Drunk Onni?! How has he never thought before that he needs to meet drunk Onni and see what that guy is all about. Maybe he'll have an unfair advantage because of his faun traits, but they could build in a handicap for that, probably. ]
huh? personal items?
[ He has literally no idea what Onni is talking about. ]
It might not just be gardening magic. Maybe if you can do stronger magic with plants you could use it in other ways. Something to think about, and asking around for instruction would be a good idea.
Yeah. If you were managing to track me down in the Silent World, it can't have been a bad sense of direction. As for drinking together, I wouldn't mind, though I'm not sure what would be talking other than the faun in you.
[Drunk Onni tends to play kantele and sing and sometimes cry a little. He doesn't particularly think it's a pretty sight or anything someone would actively want to see.]
Yes. Personal items. Of a private nature.
Yeah. If you were managing to track me down in the Silent World, it can't have been a bad sense of direction. As for drinking together, I wouldn't mind, though I'm not sure what would be talking other than the faun in you.
[Drunk Onni tends to play kantele and sing and sometimes cry a little. He doesn't particularly think it's a pretty sight or anything someone would actively want to see.]
Yes. Personal items. Of a private nature.
that's a good point. i'll look into it for sure, hopefully i can find someone willing to teach me.
[ Perhaps an odd comment, given Onni doesn't know the context yet about Reynir's experiences attending the academy in Reykjavik. ]
yeah. i was the one helping with the map and compass, making sure we were going the right way and knew where we were.
it's the part of me that's your friend and likes spending time with you talking, obviously! c:
[ Honestly, Onni must know that by now - Reynir has never hid it, how much he seeks out Onni's company, how happy it makes Reynir to be around him. And yet still, there are moments like these. And they make Reynir wonder if Onni had really had any friends at all, back in Keuruu, or even in his village. Not neighbors or colleagues or family, or people he just happened to be around frequently. But people who just sought out his company and wanted to be near him because they liked him so much. ]
wait, so i am going to get the urge to hoarding and hiding stuff, so nobody else can find it or know about it? that super doesn't sound like something sheep do.
[ Perhaps an odd comment, given Onni doesn't know the context yet about Reynir's experiences attending the academy in Reykjavik. ]
yeah. i was the one helping with the map and compass, making sure we were going the right way and knew where we were.
it's the part of me that's your friend and likes spending time with you talking, obviously! c:
[ Honestly, Onni must know that by now - Reynir has never hid it, how much he seeks out Onni's company, how happy it makes Reynir to be around him. And yet still, there are moments like these. And they make Reynir wonder if Onni had really had any friends at all, back in Keuruu, or even in his village. Not neighbors or colleagues or family, or people he just happened to be around frequently. But people who just sought out his company and wanted to be near him because they liked him so much. ]
wait, so i am going to get the urge to hoarding and hiding stuff, so nobody else can find it or know about it? that super doesn't sound like something sheep do.
Willing? Why wouldn't they be? Anyway, the idea I got about the sense of direction was that you wouldn't need maps or compasses. That would be pretty impressive and useful.
[The comment about wanting to spend time with him and being his friend seems a bit strange at first, but it makes sense after he thinks about it for a few moments. Reynir does seem to have an attachment to him that's more intense than most other attachments Onni has, outside of family. And he certainly seems more eager to be around Onni and talk to him than most of his friends back in Keuruu. It doesn't make a lot of sense, but it is what it is.
Onni has learned that he doesn't need to understand why people do the things they do for feel the things they feel, and that his lack of understanding (or caring, in some cases) doesn't change anything.]
I'm not great company when I drink, fair warning. But we can do it sometime, if that's what you really want.
And no. No hoarding. I mean supplies for things. Never mind. I'm sure you know enough to figure it out when the time comes.
[The comment about wanting to spend time with him and being his friend seems a bit strange at first, but it makes sense after he thinks about it for a few moments. Reynir does seem to have an attachment to him that's more intense than most other attachments Onni has, outside of family. And he certainly seems more eager to be around Onni and talk to him than most of his friends back in Keuruu. It doesn't make a lot of sense, but it is what it is.
Onni has learned that he doesn't need to understand why people do the things they do for feel the things they feel, and that his lack of understanding (or caring, in some cases) doesn't change anything.]
I'm not great company when I drink, fair warning. But we can do it sometime, if that's what you really want.
And no. No hoarding. I mean supplies for things. Never mind. I'm sure you know enough to figure it out when the time comes.
oh yeah, i didn't tell you about that yet. there was this whole thing, with the academy in iceland where they train mages. they let me take this expedited summer course but when i asked to study anything more advanced, they said it wasn't worth their time since i wasn't immune.
[ Reynir is discovering that this kind of communication is actually rather nice, when it comes to disclosing stuff about topics that might be a sore spot. He adds, succinctly: ]
it sucked a lot.
i do, but we don't have to get drunk if YOU don't want to. i thought it'd be kind of fun is all. but i don't wanna drag you into it if it's not your thing.
[ Reynir can tell Onni really is trying to wrap this up, not doing that conversational move that some people will do where they want to be asked more, and coaxed. So he tries to hold back. He really does. It lasts a whole three seconds before he's typing furiously: ]
onni you know all that stuff you said about wanting to help me with all this, and saying you weren't being weird about it because there was nothing to be weird about? that really made me feel a lot better. and now you are being super weird and i'm starting to get freaked out again. whatever it is, no matter how bad, can you just tell me and get it over with so i'm ready for it?
[ Reynir is discovering that this kind of communication is actually rather nice, when it comes to disclosing stuff about topics that might be a sore spot. He adds, succinctly: ]
it sucked a lot.
i do, but we don't have to get drunk if YOU don't want to. i thought it'd be kind of fun is all. but i don't wanna drag you into it if it's not your thing.
[ Reynir can tell Onni really is trying to wrap this up, not doing that conversational move that some people will do where they want to be asked more, and coaxed. So he tries to hold back. He really does. It lasts a whole three seconds before he's typing furiously: ]
onni you know all that stuff you said about wanting to help me with all this, and saying you weren't being weird about it because there was nothing to be weird about? that really made me feel a lot better. and now you are being super weird and i'm starting to get freaked out again. whatever it is, no matter how bad, can you just tell me and get it over with so i'm ready for it?
Well that was stupid of them. I'm not immune but I still make a difference. You could too. I didn't realize Iceland was so backward with its mage training.
[As always, Onni isn't inclined to speak gentle words of comfort, and wouldn't be good at it even if he tried. So he doesn't bother. Besides, isn't saying it was stupid of them as good as saying Reynir deserved better?]
I don't have an objection. I like drinking. I'm just warning you if you expect me to be a lot of fun that way, I'm not.
[Actually, he is, especially for people who know his usual self so well. It's just that he doesn't see it that way. Usually, he just feels stupid.
That outburst catches him a little off guard though. A little surprised, he waits for a few moments and re-reads what Reynir said a few times before replying.]
Sorry! It seemed like something that might embarrass you. It's whatever you need to have sex a lot.
[Yep, that vagueness was totally to spare Reynir.]
[As always, Onni isn't inclined to speak gentle words of comfort, and wouldn't be good at it even if he tried. So he doesn't bother. Besides, isn't saying it was stupid of them as good as saying Reynir deserved better?]
I don't have an objection. I like drinking. I'm just warning you if you expect me to be a lot of fun that way, I'm not.
[Actually, he is, especially for people who know his usual self so well. It's just that he doesn't see it that way. Usually, he just feels stupid.
That outburst catches him a little off guard though. A little surprised, he waits for a few moments and re-reads what Reynir said a few times before replying.]
Sorry! It seemed like something that might embarrass you. It's whatever you need to have sex a lot.
[Yep, that vagueness was totally to spare Reynir.]
Edited 2020-08-15 01:30 (UTC)
[ It throws Reynir for a moment, how much relief he feels when Onni texts back agreeing with him completely and telling him that they were wrong to do it, that Reynir can still make a difference. For a minute or two he just stares at the words, thumbs hovering over the keys, before he types back ]
thank you. it means a lot to hear that, from you especially.
[ Reynir has always looked up to Onni as a mage; their gods may be different, their approaches to magic entirely... but Onni was the first real mage that Reynir got to know. He was the one to tell Reynir that he had potential, to believe in him. ]
well, then, good. let's do it. as long as you're enjoying yourself, you don't need to be 'fun'. i'm not suggesting it because i want you to entertain me or something.
[ He blinks a few times in confusion at the explanation when it comes, then heaves a sigh of relief. ]
oh, is that all?! i thought it was going to be something awful. you had me really scared for a minute there.
[ Probably the kind thing to do would just be to drop it and not talk about it any longer, but Reynir takes Onni at his word that his hesitation to speak bluntly was misguided consideration for Reynir's potentially delicate sensibilities. And since they are not delicate, no harm in just chatting. ]
i mean that definitely fits way more than the hoarding thing. and kind of explains some little comments i've heard around, actually.
so you meant just... stock up on condoms? cause even if increased sex drive's a side effect of all this nonsense, i'm not about to go out and sleep with a bunch of complete strangers, faun or not.
[ Reynir's got no objection to sex, but for him it had always been in the context of his village, and the other young people there, and they'd all known each other all their lives. Even when things were casual, they were casual with good friends who Reynir knew and liked and trusted. And even if he's started making friends in this place, none of them really strike him in that way. ]
thank you. it means a lot to hear that, from you especially.
[ Reynir has always looked up to Onni as a mage; their gods may be different, their approaches to magic entirely... but Onni was the first real mage that Reynir got to know. He was the one to tell Reynir that he had potential, to believe in him. ]
well, then, good. let's do it. as long as you're enjoying yourself, you don't need to be 'fun'. i'm not suggesting it because i want you to entertain me or something.
[ He blinks a few times in confusion at the explanation when it comes, then heaves a sigh of relief. ]
oh, is that all?! i thought it was going to be something awful. you had me really scared for a minute there.
[ Probably the kind thing to do would just be to drop it and not talk about it any longer, but Reynir takes Onni at his word that his hesitation to speak bluntly was misguided consideration for Reynir's potentially delicate sensibilities. And since they are not delicate, no harm in just chatting. ]
i mean that definitely fits way more than the hoarding thing. and kind of explains some little comments i've heard around, actually.
so you meant just... stock up on condoms? cause even if increased sex drive's a side effect of all this nonsense, i'm not about to go out and sleep with a bunch of complete strangers, faun or not.
[ Reynir's got no objection to sex, but for him it had always been in the context of his village, and the other young people there, and they'd all known each other all their lives. Even when things were casual, they were casual with good friends who Reynir knew and liked and trusted. And even if he's started making friends in this place, none of them really strike him in that way. ]
[Frankly, it doesn't occur to Onni that Reynir might have taken the rejection from the teachers at his mage school as some sort of comment on him - Onni has always had confidence in his magic, and it seems strange that anyone wouldn't. So it seems natural that a person would consider that a failing on the part of the school and the system, not of Reynir himself. Even if he's not there yet, his potential had been easy to see.]
Of course. I don't know why it would be particularly important from me, but you're welcome?
And alright. I'll go and see if they're selling any good alcohol here. What kind do you usually drink? I doubt they'll have lakka but they might have something similar to koskenkorva, at least. And beer.
[It's maybe a little surprising that Reynir seems so unconcerned about the sex thing, but after a moment of thought he supposes it makes sense. Reynir doesn't seem to take a lot of things seriously that most other people do, maybe that's it? Either way, it's just not something that Onni has thought about much, and honestly he wouldn't know all the types of supplies one might need to have a lot of sex.]
Oh, yes. That's all, I guess. Condoms or lubricant or whatever else. I don't know what kind of sex you have.
[What else does a person say about something like this?? Is this a conversation normal friends have? He's heard his mage friends talking about it a little, but not like this.]
If you're not sleeping with strangers then I guess condoms might not be necessary. Unless you want to avoid getting anyone pregnant.
[Is that right?]
Of course. I don't know why it would be particularly important from me, but you're welcome?
And alright. I'll go and see if they're selling any good alcohol here. What kind do you usually drink? I doubt they'll have lakka but they might have something similar to koskenkorva, at least. And beer.
[It's maybe a little surprising that Reynir seems so unconcerned about the sex thing, but after a moment of thought he supposes it makes sense. Reynir doesn't seem to take a lot of things seriously that most other people do, maybe that's it? Either way, it's just not something that Onni has thought about much, and honestly he wouldn't know all the types of supplies one might need to have a lot of sex.]
Oh, yes. That's all, I guess. Condoms or lubricant or whatever else. I don't know what kind of sex you have.
[What else does a person say about something like this?? Is this a conversation normal friends have? He's heard his mage friends talking about it a little, but not like this.]
If you're not sleeping with strangers then I guess condoms might not be necessary. Unless you want to avoid getting anyone pregnant.
[Is that right?]
well, because i admire you and look up to you so much as a mage. plus you were the first one to believe in me and my potential. and also you're kind of my best friend. so it is particularly important.
[ Reynir had thought that Onni knew all that, but apparently not. ]
oh i'm not picky, i'll drink whatever. although if this faun stuff is true we should get a bottle of something much stronger for me so it's not completely uneven.
[ He's actually really looking forward to it - even if, from the sound of it, Onni is something of a solemn drunk. If it's something he likes and that helps him unwind, well. He has been so wound for so long that Reynir thinks it might do him some good. ]
that makes sense, i mean i don't know what kind of sex you have, either!
[ Reynir acting for all the world like yes, this is a normal conversation for friends to have, obviously. It is dawning on him, though, that he really doesn't know much about this aspect of Onni's life, and he is quite curious. For no particular reasons at all of course. ]
oh well that probably wasn't going to be an issue anyway. i mean there've been a few girls i liked in the past but i mostly go for guys, so.
[ No one has told Reynir yet about male monsters being able to get pregnant, but it sure is going to blow his mind when they do. ]
[ Reynir had thought that Onni knew all that, but apparently not. ]
oh i'm not picky, i'll drink whatever. although if this faun stuff is true we should get a bottle of something much stronger for me so it's not completely uneven.
[ He's actually really looking forward to it - even if, from the sound of it, Onni is something of a solemn drunk. If it's something he likes and that helps him unwind, well. He has been so wound for so long that Reynir thinks it might do him some good. ]
that makes sense, i mean i don't know what kind of sex you have, either!
[ Reynir acting for all the world like yes, this is a normal conversation for friends to have, obviously. It is dawning on him, though, that he really doesn't know much about this aspect of Onni's life, and he is quite curious. For no particular reasons at all of course. ]
oh well that probably wasn't going to be an issue anyway. i mean there've been a few girls i liked in the past but i mostly go for guys, so.
[ No one has told Reynir yet about male monsters being able to get pregnant, but it sure is going to blow his mind when they do. ]
[He isn't really sure how to respond to that, about being Reynir's best friend and someone he looks up to. A few people in Keuruu, younger mages, had looked up to him when he'd helped to train them before, obviously, but it hadn't been the same as what Reynir is saying. And he doesn't know how to respond, so he simply doesn't. But it stays in his mind, nonetheless, a thing that he knows about Reynir that he doesn't really know how to respond to or process.]
Alright. I'll look around later today then, maybe. I haven't drank in a while so maybe I'll start with beer and have you drink spirits.
[Oh...this conversation is continuing, but Onni is rapidly approaching the end of what he knows about or has bothered with when it comes to sex.]
I don't have sex. I've never really thought about it much. But some of the people I knew at home talked about it some.
[The information about Reynir being into guys mostly isn't quite surprising, but like the revelation about him being open about sex, it makes sense after a moment.]
That makes sense then. I guess you wouldn't have to worry about pregnancy so much. You'll have time to prepare anyway, I think there's a certain season that it becomes a big deal for most monsters. At least that's what I heard.
Unless you're already like that.
Alright. I'll look around later today then, maybe. I haven't drank in a while so maybe I'll start with beer and have you drink spirits.
[Oh...this conversation is continuing, but Onni is rapidly approaching the end of what he knows about or has bothered with when it comes to sex.]
I don't have sex. I've never really thought about it much. But some of the people I knew at home talked about it some.
[The information about Reynir being into guys mostly isn't quite surprising, but like the revelation about him being open about sex, it makes sense after a moment.]
That makes sense then. I guess you wouldn't have to worry about pregnancy so much. You'll have time to prepare anyway, I think there's a certain season that it becomes a big deal for most monsters. At least that's what I heard.
Unless you're already like that.
[ When Onni drops the subject, doesn't say anything back about Reynir's admiration, he feels a tiny moment of disappointment, but then shrugs it off. That's just Onni being Onni, after all. Reynir knows that silence from him is not always disapproval - sometimes it is just silence.
And all considerations or thoughts about that, or anything else they were discussing, fall completely out of his mind the moment he reads Onni's reply. That he doesn't have sex, and from the sound of it... hasn't ever? Reynir isn't misunderstanding, is he? ]
seriously? wow, i wasn't expecting that. is that um... tied to your gods at all or a cultural thing or is it more of a personal choice?
[ Damn, no wonder Onni hadn't just come out and said it openly before, if he's been living a life where he didn't really think about sex and barely discussed it, much less actually had any. Reynir feels sort of weird, knowing this, now. Weird and kind of sad, and disappointed. But he checks those emotions, telling himself he's being insensitive. He shouldn't superimpose his own attitudes and desires onto Onni, so there's no reason to feel that sinking feeling in his gut. It's not a bad thing. It's all fine and good and not his business anyway. ]
no, i'm not like that, yet. i've kind of had a bunch of other stuff on my mind. but that makes sense it's seasonal. it's like that with sheep, so... that's gonna be pretty weird, i bet.
don't worry though, i'm not gonna be bringing random guys back to the cottage or anything or bothering you with it. i already promised to myself i wasn't going to let these monster changes interfere with your life and this isn't any exception.
And all considerations or thoughts about that, or anything else they were discussing, fall completely out of his mind the moment he reads Onni's reply. That he doesn't have sex, and from the sound of it... hasn't ever? Reynir isn't misunderstanding, is he? ]
seriously? wow, i wasn't expecting that. is that um... tied to your gods at all or a cultural thing or is it more of a personal choice?
[ Damn, no wonder Onni hadn't just come out and said it openly before, if he's been living a life where he didn't really think about sex and barely discussed it, much less actually had any. Reynir feels sort of weird, knowing this, now. Weird and kind of sad, and disappointed. But he checks those emotions, telling himself he's being insensitive. He shouldn't superimpose his own attitudes and desires onto Onni, so there's no reason to feel that sinking feeling in his gut. It's not a bad thing. It's all fine and good and not his business anyway. ]
no, i'm not like that, yet. i've kind of had a bunch of other stuff on my mind. but that makes sense it's seasonal. it's like that with sheep, so... that's gonna be pretty weird, i bet.
don't worry though, i'm not gonna be bringing random guys back to the cottage or anything or bothering you with it. i already promised to myself i wasn't going to let these monster changes interfere with your life and this isn't any exception.
Yes. Is it really surprising?
It's nothing to do with my gods or culture, but I wouldn't say it's a choice either. It isn't any kind of abstinence or objection to it, but I haven't met anyone I had any particular desire to do it with. It just hasn't come up.
I didn't think you were like that yet. You didn't seem like it anyway, and it makes sense to have other things on your mind. I've had a lot on my mind too. It also makes sense that it's like sheep, I guess, since that's the kind of faun you are.
[The last part feels somehow complicated to him. Objectively, he shouldn't care what Reynir does with his own time, and it doesn't really bother him if he brings people home every now and again, but at the same time it isn't really a thought he particularly savours either. He sends another text after a minute or two.]
It isn't as if I've never heard people doing it before, so that doesn't bother me. I'm not a fan of strangers in my home, but I'd rather you take them there than do it somewhere that might put you in danger.
It's nothing to do with my gods or culture, but I wouldn't say it's a choice either. It isn't any kind of abstinence or objection to it, but I haven't met anyone I had any particular desire to do it with. It just hasn't come up.
I didn't think you were like that yet. You didn't seem like it anyway, and it makes sense to have other things on your mind. I've had a lot on my mind too. It also makes sense that it's like sheep, I guess, since that's the kind of faun you are.
[The last part feels somehow complicated to him. Objectively, he shouldn't care what Reynir does with his own time, and it doesn't really bother him if he brings people home every now and again, but at the same time it isn't really a thought he particularly savours either. He sends another text after a minute or two.]
It isn't as if I've never heard people doing it before, so that doesn't bother me. I'm not a fan of strangers in my home, but I'd rather you take them there than do it somewhere that might put you in danger.
a little bit.
[ He's not going to lie to Onni about that - it had taken him by surprise. Maybe that says something about Reynir and the sort of people he knows and the assumptions he makes, but it is what it is.
Reynir feels some relief at least finding out it's not a question of some very important religious edict, or a cultural value he might be stepping on. He knows he's not always the best at being sensitive about stuff, and he really doesn't want to upset Onni. ]
well that makes sense, i mean... you probably didn't have a lot of time to date or anything at keuruu right? i mean with lalli and tuuri, and everything?
[ It's easy enough for Reynir to wrap his mind around this - that Onni just hasn't met the right person, yet, who he would trust enough to be intimate with them. Onni is one of the most guarded people Reynir has ever met. Honestly, he shouldn't have been all that surprised, now that he thinks about it. ]
and if by some chance you DO finally happen to meet any girls (or guys?) that catch your eye here, you can always talk to me about it. i mean i know you can figure stuff out on your own and you don't need advice or anything from anybody, but. i like helping, you know that.
[ Reynir had started this off thinking it would be so uncomplicated, talking about sex to Onni. But it's all starting to feel pretty complicated in ways he isn't quite sure he understands fully. ]
alright, i'll keep that in mind. but honestly, and there's no non-awkward way to say this, but it's probably... just going to be an issue i'm taking care of by myself. i appreciate the heads-up, though.
[ He's not going to lie to Onni about that - it had taken him by surprise. Maybe that says something about Reynir and the sort of people he knows and the assumptions he makes, but it is what it is.
Reynir feels some relief at least finding out it's not a question of some very important religious edict, or a cultural value he might be stepping on. He knows he's not always the best at being sensitive about stuff, and he really doesn't want to upset Onni. ]
well that makes sense, i mean... you probably didn't have a lot of time to date or anything at keuruu right? i mean with lalli and tuuri, and everything?
[ It's easy enough for Reynir to wrap his mind around this - that Onni just hasn't met the right person, yet, who he would trust enough to be intimate with them. Onni is one of the most guarded people Reynir has ever met. Honestly, he shouldn't have been all that surprised, now that he thinks about it. ]
and if by some chance you DO finally happen to meet any girls (or guys?) that catch your eye here, you can always talk to me about it. i mean i know you can figure stuff out on your own and you don't need advice or anything from anybody, but. i like helping, you know that.
[ Reynir had started this off thinking it would be so uncomplicated, talking about sex to Onni. But it's all starting to feel pretty complicated in ways he isn't quite sure he understands fully. ]
alright, i'll keep that in mind. but honestly, and there's no non-awkward way to say this, but it's probably... just going to be an issue i'm taking care of by myself. i appreciate the heads-up, though.
We've never really talked about this before, so I guess it makes sense one or both of us would be a bit surprised by the answers. You're right, I didn't have a lot of time for much of anything besides working and studying and looking after those two, until they were grown. But I didn't exactly look either.
[For a moment, he's still, trying to think about what he'd even look for in a person, what kind of person would catch his eye. His brain comes up with absolutely nothing, and he wonders if maybe something in him was broken, or just didn't grow or develop properly because he'd been too busy as a teenager.]
Thanks. If I find someone, I'll ask, but I doubt it. I can't even think what I'd be looking for.
[The last bit is addressed in a second text a few seconds later.]
It's only awkward if you make it awkward. You're not looking for anyone, though? I thought that would be better.
[For a moment, he's still, trying to think about what he'd even look for in a person, what kind of person would catch his eye. His brain comes up with absolutely nothing, and he wonders if maybe something in him was broken, or just didn't grow or develop properly because he'd been too busy as a teenager.]
Thanks. If I find someone, I'll ask, but I doubt it. I can't even think what I'd be looking for.
[The last bit is addressed in a second text a few seconds later.]
It's only awkward if you make it awkward. You're not looking for anyone, though? I thought that would be better.
well, to be fair, honestly i never did a whole lot of looking either. there were only so many people my own age in the village and we all knew each other, so the options were fairly obvious from the start.
[ It's funny, and confusing, how fast his heart is beating as he reads Onni's reply when it comes. Although it does make a kind of sense. Romance is clearly a delicate issue with Onni and it doesn't seem like he's had much of anyone to talk to about it. If Reynir says the wrong thing, he could screw things up. That's why his face is feeling hot and the wait between texts feels so much longer than it is. Yep. ]
really? did you never have a crush, i mean even as a young kid? somebody you'd hang out around all the time or talk about marrying someday even though you were both only five or whatever?
[ Onni's question surprises him, but Reynir responds honestly: ]
i haven't been, no. i mean, i guess there's a few people i've noticed in the city who are cute, but... i've never gone out with a total stranger before. i'm kinda like you in that way.
maybe it would be better. i don't know. i should think about it i guess. i know that... running away from the monster changes is supposed to be bad news, or whatever. i guess i should at least consider it.
[ It's funny, and confusing, how fast his heart is beating as he reads Onni's reply when it comes. Although it does make a kind of sense. Romance is clearly a delicate issue with Onni and it doesn't seem like he's had much of anyone to talk to about it. If Reynir says the wrong thing, he could screw things up. That's why his face is feeling hot and the wait between texts feels so much longer than it is. Yep. ]
really? did you never have a crush, i mean even as a young kid? somebody you'd hang out around all the time or talk about marrying someday even though you were both only five or whatever?
[ Onni's question surprises him, but Reynir responds honestly: ]
i haven't been, no. i mean, i guess there's a few people i've noticed in the city who are cute, but... i've never gone out with a total stranger before. i'm kinda like you in that way.
maybe it would be better. i don't know. i should think about it i guess. i know that... running away from the monster changes is supposed to be bad news, or whatever. i guess i should at least consider it.
Makes sense. It was like that in Toivosaari, too. As for crushes, I'm not sure. I don't specifically remember anyone. Maybe a teacher? I think maybe a teacher, when I was young. But I don't remember much about him, so it won't give me any guidance. It isn't really important though. It's never been important before so I don't think this place will make it important, especially since I'm a witch and won't have that instinct.
[If he really thinks about it, he does think that maybe that teacher was appealing because he was kind, but he's still not sure if it was an actual crush. The rest of what Reynir said leaves him feeling oddly uneasy, though he can't put his finger on why.]
I think you probably wouldn't have a hard time finding someone who wanted to try with you. But it's not any of my business, really, and you shouldn't if you don't want to. Probably, doing it the other way would satisfy whatever urges you had.
[If he really thinks about it, he does think that maybe that teacher was appealing because he was kind, but he's still not sure if it was an actual crush. The rest of what Reynir said leaves him feeling oddly uneasy, though he can't put his finger on why.]
I think you probably wouldn't have a hard time finding someone who wanted to try with you. But it's not any of my business, really, and you shouldn't if you don't want to. Probably, doing it the other way would satisfy whatever urges you had.
Edited 2020-08-16 00:48 (UTC)
[ There are so many interesting things, about Onni's answer. That his memories of childhood are really as hazy as all that - his answer wasn't a definitive no, or yes. Reynir wonders at that, for a few moments. But then, perhaps it's because of what had happened, later. Maybe Onni worked hard for many years, trying not to think of all the people he'd known, who died so horribly. Memories got reinforced by revisiting, and if he had avoided that so many years to avoid pain...
And of course, there's the fact that this scarcely-remembered teacher was, apparently, a man. That is certainly an interesting thing to know. ]
sure, it's probably not gonna be important for you here. but you've got time to spare for some unimportant stuff in this place, don't you? whether or not it's this... making time for some not-important things actually sounds like it might be kind of important for you.
i guess. i just need to think about it, maybe. make sure i'm not rushing into anything recklessly without considering the consequences. i've been told i have a problem with doing that sometimes.
and anyway, all these faun urges and stuff won't be too big of a deal when we do the bond thing, right? that'll... stabilize it all, a little?
And of course, there's the fact that this scarcely-remembered teacher was, apparently, a man. That is certainly an interesting thing to know. ]
sure, it's probably not gonna be important for you here. but you've got time to spare for some unimportant stuff in this place, don't you? whether or not it's this... making time for some not-important things actually sounds like it might be kind of important for you.
i guess. i just need to think about it, maybe. make sure i'm not rushing into anything recklessly without considering the consequences. i've been told i have a problem with doing that sometimes.
and anyway, all these faun urges and stuff won't be too big of a deal when we do the bond thing, right? that'll... stabilize it all, a little?
[The truth is, a lot of Onni's early history is difficult to remember. Anything before that day when he'd been woken up by Lalli telling him there was a Code O seems like it had happened a thousand years ago and so, so far away. Every time he tries to think about it, it's like biting down on a sore tooth, and so he does his best not to think about it.]
Maybe. I've never really had much time for unimportant stuff. This place is a lot easier to deal with than home was, though. Are you finding the same thing?
[That comment about it being important for him is confusing and he doesn't respond just yet, because he's mulling it over a little.]
I can see why people would tell you that. You do seem to do things without thinking much first. For example, following me into the Silent World in Finland as a non-immune and not well-trained mage. Still, I suppose you're handling yourself, and this sort of thing isn't as dangerous as that.
I think the bond stabilizes things in general, yes. Most of the more difficult effects of being a monster or witch.
[Having still not made much sense of the comment about unimportant things being important for him, he has to ask.]
What do you mean by saying that unimportant things seem like they are important for me? That doesn't make any sense.
Maybe. I've never really had much time for unimportant stuff. This place is a lot easier to deal with than home was, though. Are you finding the same thing?
[That comment about it being important for him is confusing and he doesn't respond just yet, because he's mulling it over a little.]
I can see why people would tell you that. You do seem to do things without thinking much first. For example, following me into the Silent World in Finland as a non-immune and not well-trained mage. Still, I suppose you're handling yourself, and this sort of thing isn't as dangerous as that.
I think the bond stabilizes things in general, yes. Most of the more difficult effects of being a monster or witch.
[Having still not made much sense of the comment about unimportant things being important for him, he has to ask.]
What do you mean by saying that unimportant things seem like they are important for me? That doesn't make any sense.
i know that i'm naïve, and it's caused trouble in the past. but there are other times when following my instincts, despite what other people said was rational and obvious, was completely the right move. i never would've been able to get rid of those weird spirits, if i hadn't been reckless.
so i guess i'm just working on... being able to tell the difference between my intuition which is probably the gods guiding me, and bad ideas that i follow through on because i don't feel like listening to other people telling me what i can and can't do.
[ Reynir personally thinks that his decision to go with Lalli and the rest of his companions after Onni, to find him and rescue him if they needed to, was a total no-brainer. The opposite of his reckless decision, stowing away in that tuna crate. But he doesn't really want to get into all that, now. Doesn't want to remind Onni of the fact that Lalli was in some danger, back in their world, before they were brought here.
So he lets it slide. Picks his battles. ]
you're sort of proving my point. the life you were leading in our world, you never had time for anything that was less than crucial. and that's fine for a while, for just surviving when shit is awful. but it's not healthy in the long term.
things are easier here, so... you have a chance to do the stuff you didn't get to, before. i mean, i've got new chances, too. seeing new places, meeting people from different worlds and cultures, exploring and learning. that's stuff i had less opportunity to do, before i came through the mirror.
and you didn't have the opportunity to rest and experiment with stuff and do things just for fun to see whether you like them or not. to me, it seems like a waste of this gift we've been given, if you don't... try to use those opportunities to the fullest.
so i guess i'm just working on... being able to tell the difference between my intuition which is probably the gods guiding me, and bad ideas that i follow through on because i don't feel like listening to other people telling me what i can and can't do.
[ Reynir personally thinks that his decision to go with Lalli and the rest of his companions after Onni, to find him and rescue him if they needed to, was a total no-brainer. The opposite of his reckless decision, stowing away in that tuna crate. But he doesn't really want to get into all that, now. Doesn't want to remind Onni of the fact that Lalli was in some danger, back in their world, before they were brought here.
So he lets it slide. Picks his battles. ]
you're sort of proving my point. the life you were leading in our world, you never had time for anything that was less than crucial. and that's fine for a while, for just surviving when shit is awful. but it's not healthy in the long term.
things are easier here, so... you have a chance to do the stuff you didn't get to, before. i mean, i've got new chances, too. seeing new places, meeting people from different worlds and cultures, exploring and learning. that's stuff i had less opportunity to do, before i came through the mirror.
and you didn't have the opportunity to rest and experiment with stuff and do things just for fun to see whether you like them or not. to me, it seems like a waste of this gift we've been given, if you don't... try to use those opportunities to the fullest.
Yes yes. I can certainly see the gods' guidance in some of the things you've done, particularly in getting rid of those spirits and in calling out to me and reaching me despite me being awake. But I think some of your decisions are also just out of rashness, of following your heart rather than your mind or your sense of self-preservation, such as it is.
I agree that learning the difference would be particularly useful for you. If you need to talk through anything to do with it, I'm willing to. I've got more experience with following my mind over my heart.
[Not true, necessarily, particularly recently, most of his decisions made through a fog of grief and desperation and rage at the creature that had finally managed to take pretty much everything from him. But that isn't something Onni is about to admit, even to himself. He especially isn't going to admit it to Reynir.
The whole last part of that message makes no sense to him, though. None of the things Reynir is talking about are useful or important. He can't remember the last time he thought any of that was important.]
How am I proving your point? None of those things are important or vital, and a person can live just fine without doing any of those things. Also, I've learned plenty while going about life the same way I have been for my whole life.
Fun isn't important, neither is experimenting, unless it's with magic or other training that will be useful later. I'm not sure what I'm wasting by just taking the time to get familiar with this system of magic and earning money and taking care of myself and you. What is the value in the rest of it?
I agree that learning the difference would be particularly useful for you. If you need to talk through anything to do with it, I'm willing to. I've got more experience with following my mind over my heart.
[Not true, necessarily, particularly recently, most of his decisions made through a fog of grief and desperation and rage at the creature that had finally managed to take pretty much everything from him. But that isn't something Onni is about to admit, even to himself. He especially isn't going to admit it to Reynir.
The whole last part of that message makes no sense to him, though. None of the things Reynir is talking about are useful or important. He can't remember the last time he thought any of that was important.]
How am I proving your point? None of those things are important or vital, and a person can live just fine without doing any of those things. Also, I've learned plenty while going about life the same way I have been for my whole life.
Fun isn't important, neither is experimenting, unless it's with magic or other training that will be useful later. I'm not sure what I'm wasting by just taking the time to get familiar with this system of magic and earning money and taking care of myself and you. What is the value in the rest of it?
[ Reynir doesn't doubt that Onni is asking those questions in all earnestness - that's what makes it so sad, how thoroughly he is unable to imagine living in a different way. Not for the first time, Reynir is struck by the gulf in their experience. How much room there was in his life for fun, and hope, and non-essential pursuits. He had always thought he worked hard, that his life was restrictive. And in some ways, from some perspectives, it was.
But Onni has been living in such a small cage for so long that he doesn't even recognize the bars any longer, and it makes something in Reynir's chest ache. It's a little while, before his reply comes. ]
i know you might not see it the same way, and i'm not sure how it's possible for me to convince you, but... i truly think there is value in being happy.
[ The implication being, of course, that Onni... isn't happy, now, and hasn't been for a very long time. ]
i wasn't saying you didn't learn a lot, or that you weren't taking care of all the practical vital stuff. i know you did. i'm not criticizing you.
it just sort of makes me sad, that it doesn't even occur to you that there might be some value in having fun, and doing things you want to do even if they aren't essential for survival, and taking care of yourself in a deeper way.
But Onni has been living in such a small cage for so long that he doesn't even recognize the bars any longer, and it makes something in Reynir's chest ache. It's a little while, before his reply comes. ]
i know you might not see it the same way, and i'm not sure how it's possible for me to convince you, but... i truly think there is value in being happy.
[ The implication being, of course, that Onni... isn't happy, now, and hasn't been for a very long time. ]
i wasn't saying you didn't learn a lot, or that you weren't taking care of all the practical vital stuff. i know you did. i'm not criticizing you.
it just sort of makes me sad, that it doesn't even occur to you that there might be some value in having fun, and doing things you want to do even if they aren't essential for survival, and taking care of yourself in a deeper way.
[Onni has simply been in survival mode for as long as he can remember, for so long that he doesn't even really realize he's in survival mode anymore. It is simply a state of being, and a comfortable, predictable one. There are certain things that matter, and certain things that don't, and he knows which is which. Onni might have left his comfortable, safe life in Keuruu, but in a way he hasn't left his comfort zone at all.]
Honestly, why does it matter? I don't need taking care of, by anyone else or by myself. It doesn't matter.
[He doesn't know what else to say to that. He doesn't know how to explain to Reynir why none of what he said matters when it comes to Onni.]
You have nothing to be sad about.
Honestly, why does it matter? I don't need taking care of, by anyone else or by myself. It doesn't matter.
[He doesn't know what else to say to that. He doesn't know how to explain to Reynir why none of what he said matters when it comes to Onni.]
You have nothing to be sad about.
[ Reynir's heart sinks further when he reads Onni's stubborn, fairly depressing response. It's not as if this is news to him, exactly. Onni had gone charging off on a suicide mission, right after his baby sister died. He spent all his time worrying about others, and refused outright to consider his own safety and happiness as a factor.
But it still hurts, reading those words. Not knowing if anything he could say would even put a dent in that armor. ]
everyone needs taking care of, now and then. that's not a rule that has exceptions. that's just... being alive.
and it matters to me. a lot.
i want you to be happy because i care about you. you're not nothing. so... yeah. i do.
But it still hurts, reading those words. Not knowing if anything he could say would even put a dent in that armor. ]
everyone needs taking care of, now and then. that's not a rule that has exceptions. that's just... being alive.
and it matters to me. a lot.
i want you to be happy because i care about you. you're not nothing. so... yeah. i do.
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